In case this website isn't enough of a tear-jerker....
A couple of days ago, I was scanning through MySpace music sites looking up songs of artists I knew. I ran across Mark Schultz, a Christian music artist I hadn't heard for quite a few years. So long, in fact, that I had forgotten one of the songs he was most popular for... "He's My Son". For a good cry, "view my complete profile" and listen to the audio clip.
Then, yesterday, while Kyle was in surgery for the g tube, I went by the chaplain's office at the hospital to make sure he had gotten the bell ornament I had left for him. Another chaplain was there and we talked for a little bit about Kyle's progress but a little way into the conversation, it hit me like a wave... I was in the chaplain's office for the first time since saying goodbye to Eric. As I looked around, I broke into tears so suddenly that it surprised me almost as much as it did the chaplain.
Lately, I've had times when I feel like I'm supposed to be more of a wreck than I am. I know that it's a good thing that I've been able to keep it together and focus on Kyle and Hannah and life. There was a part of me that wanted me to just curl up and stop existing after we lost Eric. Sometimes I feel like I've adjusted too well to the loss - like I should be more broken than I am - like I couldn't have cared that much if I can just go on with life without crying every day. But the last couple of days have made me realize how much I do care and how much I do feel the loss. I just have to live around those moments that hit me like a brick. I have to be able to make it through a day without breaking down. Too many people need me to be strong and so I am strong for them and by being strong for them, I'm strong for Eric.
It really helps that I've had friends and family who've been so supportive during all that we've been through and I've been able to talk about things and not let Eric just be forgotten. Thank you all.
A couple of days ago, I was scanning through MySpace music sites looking up songs of artists I knew. I ran across Mark Schultz, a Christian music artist I hadn't heard for quite a few years. So long, in fact, that I had forgotten one of the songs he was most popular for... "He's My Son". For a good cry, "view my complete profile" and listen to the audio clip.
Then, yesterday, while Kyle was in surgery for the g tube, I went by the chaplain's office at the hospital to make sure he had gotten the bell ornament I had left for him. Another chaplain was there and we talked for a little bit about Kyle's progress but a little way into the conversation, it hit me like a wave... I was in the chaplain's office for the first time since saying goodbye to Eric. As I looked around, I broke into tears so suddenly that it surprised me almost as much as it did the chaplain.
Lately, I've had times when I feel like I'm supposed to be more of a wreck than I am. I know that it's a good thing that I've been able to keep it together and focus on Kyle and Hannah and life. There was a part of me that wanted me to just curl up and stop existing after we lost Eric. Sometimes I feel like I've adjusted too well to the loss - like I should be more broken than I am - like I couldn't have cared that much if I can just go on with life without crying every day. But the last couple of days have made me realize how much I do care and how much I do feel the loss. I just have to live around those moments that hit me like a brick. I have to be able to make it through a day without breaking down. Too many people need me to be strong and so I am strong for them and by being strong for them, I'm strong for Eric.
It really helps that I've had friends and family who've been so supportive during all that we've been through and I've been able to talk about things and not let Eric just be forgotten. Thank you all.
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